I'm sitting here listening to some Eurobeat while drinking a bottle of water.
I'm laying on a bed procrastinating studying, soon (hopefully) I'll be eating cake because of the birthday of a family member. It's kinda hot in here and the room is a bit dim because of the half closed window shutters
There's a cool breeze blowing through my window today. Summer is finally winding down.
I went for a drive earlier and the only notable thing I found was a police checkpoint. I haven't seen one in years.
enjoying some berry yogurt
Sitting here listening to some Phantasmagoria, reading some stuff online, and talking to a few others on Discord. Probably going to fix a bite to eat here in a little bit starting to get a tad bit hungry.
My experience living as a neet with my parents for 6 years now is that it sucks ass.
For some reason it can be hard for me to breathe properly. Sometimes I would hold my breath for no reason at all. I try to breathe through my nose because I read that it was good for the brain but I'm used to breathing through my mouth. I have to juggle with breathing through my nose or mouth. It's very annoying.
>I read that it was good for the brain That's the dumbest thing I've read today.
@23 *works you to death* Heh nothing personnel, kid.
It's quite a shock to realize how much of a loser you are when you go to school and see stereotypical losers have a good social circle while you have no one. I don't know a single person and I don't know how to even start. I guess that's the result of being a shut-in NEET for so many years.
@25 They're clearly not losers. Losers don't have friends.
I hate my nose hair.
@24 No, u @25 It's not like normies are fun to be around anyway. I know lots of people, but they all seem superficial and spiritually closed off. I only know one person that is "awake". Sadly, the chances of finding such a person are miniscule. So, don't worry, even normies most likely don't know any interesting person themselves, they only have the numbers going for them, but 50 boring people are just as good as none at all. @27 Burn it off, then. I bet that feels quite novel.
I'm enjoying farting a lot tonight feels pretty damn good to push out.
I'm losing my mind and trying to keep myself from breaking everything! I'm mentally stressed to my limits.
@32 What's bothering you? White Genocide?
@33 No, honestly I don't give a shit about the West. It's going to fail either way. I want to escape from it's stupidity. Personally I'd rather breed my genes with a nice Asian woman. Fuck the white race it's not going to get better.
Commited suicide after zoe quinn and co. accused him of sexual assault.
@35 The entire gaming "culture" and "community" disgusts me. The whole corrupt, inept industry locked in an endless race to the bottom. All these "journalists" and "developers" who produce nothing of value but spend their days trying to invent and win new shit flinging contests. And the gamers who slurp it all up and ask for more. Those hecklers who try to use every single piece of news, every single word for cheap drama fuel in their respective holy wars. It's ugly. It's like witnessing hobos fighting over a cigarette. They're people for fuck's sake, but they refuse to act like it. They flushed all their decency and dignity down the toilet... for what?
Quality of games is abysmal today but instead of doing something about it all those involved are busy engaging in shallow, vicious battles, 280 characters at a time.
I just wake up dreaming of pissing. The funny part was that I was gaining consciousness while "pissing", and the feeling was pretty convincing. Luckily I did not actually piss myself, but I hate this
@37 Careful, my uncle pissed himself that way once.
The imageboard always has some eerie pics. It's like a haunted house.
Being a Generation Z kid and not being into the Instagram lifestyle is not a good experience.
@40 I don't know anything about modern life, didn't realize it's that hard. Sorry about your situation. I know what it's like to be an alienated kid, no one should have to ever experience it. I know it's meaningless but I wish you best. I hope you'll find your own path and meet good people along the way. I hope you'll be given the support you need and deserve.
Being a hopeless "millenial" with no future and being despised both by the previous and the next generations is a horrible thing too. I had no positive experiences growing up, no youth to speak of. I can't get over it and it haunts me every day. I feel incomplete, lonely, cripplingly unfulfilled and unhappy.
I was told to learn to "deal with it" but I just can't. I spent my whole life quietly suffering behind a stoic mask, that's what society expected me to do. Every time I tried to be the real me and seek a genuine connection to others I'd be shunned, even punished for stepping out of line. Everyone was always busy with their own problems and they treated my calls for help as assault against their own difficult lives. I know the rules, I accepted them for a long time and tried my best to kill myself inside, and live like I'm expected to but I can't take it anymore. I never got used to the pain. The longer it goes on the more it hurts. I'm broken and I can't pick up the pieces myself. I need someone but no one wants to even know such a person, let alone dedicate their valuable time and heart to really help someone like me become alive.
I really hate the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." In many contexts it's just wrong. Things like training and conditioning might make you strong despite being unpleasant but only if they're conducted safely in a proper manner. Experiencing true accidents and trauma often makes one weaker. If it doesn't maim and cripple it might reward survival with fear, doubts and chronic pain. I lived through hardship both in physical and mental sense, and none of it made me any stronger.
I'm shattered. I'm old. All is lost. I can't live and I can't even kill myself.
I have a headache and my left nostril is runny.
@41 (not @40 but...) That sucks. I have friends who would (and have already) listen to me talking about how shitty I feel sometimes but I think if I do spill out all my emotion I'll just bore them eventually, and it won't fix anything, just alleviate my weight temporarily. >Every time I tried to be the real me and seek a genuine connection to others I'd be shunned, even punished for stepping out of line. >Everyone was always busy with their own problems and they treated my calls for help as assault against their own difficult lives. Something's wrong here, that sounds like very cold treatment towards you. Maybe you weren't close enough to them before opening up yourself? It's just strange, if they cared for you they'd listen (unless you brought this up too often but it doesn't seem the case), or they have a very different mentality from mine and my friend's. Maybe they were in a very difficult point in their lives themselves, but everyone? And you don't sound too whiny and self-pitying Regarding your childhood, well you can't can't change it. You have to find a way to accept it, maybe a therapist could help you with that >I feel incomplete, lonely, cripplingly unfulfilled and unhappy I'm pretty sure that's how I'm gonna end up Anyway if you ever wanna talk, about anything, mail me here: anon394721 at gmail.com can't guarantee a quick reply, but hopefully I'll answer
Thinking about either drawing or doing some edits today.
Over time you get used to enjoying the silence, all the pizza you eat you will eat alone and with no one to share, the days seem longer and always the same, as in a loop, and the world goes round in circles within your brain, while hope is gone every birthday, is destiny, so whatever
I'm always quiet in school so most people assume that I'm smart but in reality I'm just average.
@47 I knew a guy who was always quiet so I assumed he was clever. He wasn't
I'm too insecure about my looks. If an average or pretty girl looks at me I just look down on the ground.
I'm just sitting here listening to some video game soundtracks.
@49 If they look at you (and don't run in the opposite direction) it can't be that bad, eh?
Now for some shitty unsolicited suggestions: maybe you could start trying to briefly maintain the eye contact when it happens next time? I don't mean you should stare or anything, just try to look back at them cordially, as an exercise. I know it's going to be hard at first, but I think you'll gradually get used to it. Maybe someone will smile at you. It's not like that's a huge thing, but I imagine it could be reassuring. Sometimes a small friendly gesture like that can help a lot. And if you learn to casually look at people and especially girls without feeling bad about yourself, that's one barrier down, right?
But who am I to talk, I couldn't look anyone in the eye if my life depended on it. People generally don't look at me and I try to completely avoid looking at them, but sometimes if there's a pretty girl I can't help but glance. I know I shouldn't because given how I look if I get caught they'd feel uncomfortable for sure, it's going to look like I'm a rapist or something. It makes me sad because I'm not and I don't mean anyone any harm, but it's understandable. So I try to look down and just stay out of everyone's way whenever I'm outside.
If you can help it, don't stay in the place I'm in. Do your best and try to get out because it's not nice down here. Good luck anon!
I feel my depression and anxiety fading.
My handwriting is disgraceful.
Saw cute girl in the cafeteria today. A rarity.
My depression and anxiety has come back full force.
yes yes yes
I'm going to go for a night walk.
it's going to rain over the weekend where I live, I'm looking forward to it.
My feet are cold because my mom blasts the AC every night to fall asleep.
@65 Be thankful she's not blasting AC/DC. Get it? It's funny because he was talking about air conditioning but it made me think of that other thing and...
Just kill me already.
Got some blood taken today.
Lucida Font looks very nice.
This guy has walked into the breakroom, put a corndog in the toaster oven, and set the timer to half an hour, then walked out. It's already starting to char and he won't be back to get it before it burns. This happens three mornings or so a week; some people never learn.
Was called to go back to the clinic over the results of my bloodwork.
Drinking some coffee and listening to some '80s music.
@69 How did he react when he came back for the corndog?
i keep on pushing things off until the last minute.
I can't think of anything interesting to say.
Listening to music that was posted on the imageboard.
People that drag their feet when walking are invariably the worst sort.
I would like to live on my own. It feels weird living with your family late into your twenties; it makes me feel like I'm still a child. When relatives or my siblings friends come visit I always feel out of place when I'm not in my bedroom. It's not a good way to live.
My laptop battery is almost dead, but I'm too lazy to plug it in, and I'm also too lazy to get out of bed and walk over to my desktop which is three feet away
When I speak I don't have any problem with how my voice sounds but when I listen to my voice from a recording it makes me cringe. Maybe the reason why it sounds like that could be that I've only used crappy microphone so far to record my voice. I don't know but I hate listening to my recorded voice.
I've been listening to vocaloid music almost exclusively for a month now and I keep thinking it might be a good idea to take a break before I get burnt out but it's just too much fun.
@86 Same. But I think (at least in my case) that it's the microphone that's being too honest
You only need 2,073,600 cats to transfer a 1080p image to another dimension.
I feel like an empty shell.
Looking at my reflection on the mirror makes me depressed.
When brewed, hojicha ends up looking like something you'd find in a gutter after a storm.
I don't have a large vocabulary so I tend to sound like a retard but I'm not believe me. It's a result of being a isolated NEET for many years. I try but I am not motivated to do much other than the minimum to pass through.
I only kill spiders when they come very close to me and surprise me. If they are hanging out in the open and I can see them then I will catch and release them outside. I prefer the catch and release over the killing.
I've been riding my bicycle in the early morning. It's a good way to beat off the depression for a while. When I stay and surf the internet I become depressed. I tend to overthink many things like my life. It always ends up with me hating myself for being a failure.
I am thinking about steering my life in another direction. I am still young and up until now I've been on the technical-engineering side of real life. I can't tell, but it doesn't really feel right. I mean, I enjoy it and like programming and all, but I also really enjoy creative and art stuff, also, that direction simply looks easier. If modern art wasn't such a cestpool I would probably switch to it.
I'm sitting here listening to Russian music and trying not to shit myself drinking some almond milk.
Im sitting in the school cafeteria waiting for the cheese pizza to finish cooking. The kitchen staff said it will take 7 minutes. It is very lonely even though the cafeteria is filled with people chattering. I think that I look awkward and I want to find a quiet place to eat alone.
I just finished my morning coffee and thinking about finding something online to masturbate to. Then I'll probably just find some shit to watch for the rest of the afternoon and early evening until dinner is made.