I don't want to be remembered unless I was a worthy like Napoleon.

>>1 Most people just remember Napoleon as a short guy (he wasn't). He even got a complex named for him.

I'm ok with obscurity. Maybe I can make something that'll outlast me and people will wonder who built it but never know.

The saddest feeling is knowing that you are a failure.

>>2 That's thanks to the British.

It's friday after school. You meet up with her and you walk to your house. It's just before winter break. It's cold, but you both are wearing jackets. It gets dark early. You lay in bed together. Not kissing, no sex, just together. It's quiet. But it's the best thing you've ever felt so far. The best position. Even if its school, you both "love" each other. Homework? Tests? Fuck that, you have her.

And then you wake up, 10 years later, and realize that never happened. Nor ever will.

>>5 The hardest memories to forget are the ones that never happened.

That being said, where I was, such a thing happening would have been inconceivable.

>>6

Ouch, I can really relate with that. I spend much of my time wondering how my life would have turned out if I had done X or wonder what happened to X person. Another thing I do is create fantasy worlds and daydream them. I live inside my head at this point, living out these fantasies to distract from the mundane life I lead. Currently I'm dreaming that I've won the lottery and now I can finally achieve the coveted hikikomori status I've dreamt of since a teen. The worst part about these fantasies? They're becoming more vivider - I found myself really happy the other week because I had won the lottery and the sinking feeling once I remembered it's nothing but a daydream was unbearable. What worries me is not that I'll eventually live completely inside my head, but that my mind will fade with age. What then? I could neither live in this world or my head; finally becoming achieving true loner status.

last night i dreamt that someone loved me

>>8
Last night I dreamt my last uncle on my mother's side died.

For me it's aging while never having experienced any love or companionship. It's already September with only 3 more months left until a new year starts again. It's becoming harder and harder to experience those moments of youth. It's a devastating feeling of regret and loss.

>>10 Perhaps it could not have been any other way. So much is down to luck.

>>10 Those things are more of a hassle than they're worth (or so it seems to me; I'm in the same boat as you, after all). Even if you experienced whatever ideal relationship you're longng for, you'd only be left with a tainted and unpleasant memory when it was over. Stick to your pure fantasies and dreams that won't become corrupted.
I'm making some assumptions, I know, but I can't imagine anyone actually wanting a realistic relationship after having observered more than a few.

>>12 Hard to say when you've been stuck with deficient people around you your whole life.

>>13 Agreed!!